[00:00:00] Ellington Brown: Welcome to SpeakUP! International with Rita Burke and Elton Brown! Today, we have author Kem Frazier who is going to read an excerpt from her book, Ken the Handler. You can't bully me. Kem, the virtual floor is yours! 

[00:00:34] Kem Frasier: Okay. Well, it opens up where Chandler is on his way to school

[00:00:40] Kem Frasier: these bullies come to him and they force him to give the him the bike away to them.

[00:00:46] Kem Frasier: He, they take the bike from him. So Chandler is frantic and he is worried about what his mom's going to say because. He knows that his mom is always check checking the stoop to see if his bike is there. Well, he goes, he comes home from school, he runs upstairs and he, he's calling uh, to his mom, hi mom. And mom says, hi Chandler.

[00:01:11] Kem Frasier: And right at that time there's fire sirens starts going off. So Chan was thinking. Wow. Maybe this, my mother, she will be so distracted. She won't realize that my bike is gone. So he watches his mother from the third floor window of his apartment house. Mom was just scouring from one end of the street to the other.

[00:01:36] Kem Frasier: She was asking people what happened. Finally, the firemen began to wrap things up, and Chandler kept watching from the window. Suddenly he saw mom looking around the stoop area. It seemed like she had noticed that his bike was gone. When mom entered the front door, Chandler says, I just knew it was all over for me.

[00:02:05] Kem Frasier: So mom comes in and says, Chandler, where's your bike? At that moment, he felt his heart running right up to his throat. Um, mom, what did you say? I can't hear you. Mom repeated. You heard me Chandler, where is your bicycle? Chandler looking very serious at his mother. So what is he to do? So after that blank look, he gave his mom, he said, you see mom?

[00:02:36] Kem Frasier: I was going to tell you about my bike, but um, well, I forgot since I was in a hurry to tell you about the science project. So Chandler was trying to distract his mom onto another topic so he wouldn't have to go on and explain to her how he allowed the bullies to take his a bike. So it goes on a little bit further than that.

[00:02:59] Kem Frasier: Yes. 

[00:03:01] Rita Burke: Thank you Kem, for giving us a tantalizing taste of your book! 

[00:03:09] Rita Burke: Fraser is an author and former teacher. She's currently a counselor with her private practice. In her bio, Kem says that anti-bullying is her cause, mainly because she was bullied as a child growing up in the Bronx.

[00:03:30] Rita Burke: There's so much more that I want to say about Kem Fraser. However it'll all come out as she tells her story. Welcome to SpeakUP! International Kem! 

[00:03:43] Kem Frasier: Thank you so much. I'm glad to be here. Yes, 

[00:03:47] Ellington Brown: Thank you so much for your brief reading, giving us a taste of what, uh, Chandler the handler. You can't bully me, is all a about what inspired you to write the book and advocate for anti-bullying awareness?

[00:04:12] Kem Frasier: In my 18 years of teaching in different states, different areas, I noticed that children had one thing in common. They would react to bullies by overreacting. So they had their fist up ready to defend themselves. Not that it's wrong in itself to defend yourself, but there's other options that they never even thought of.

[00:04:35] Kem Frasier: They could have become kind, they could have changed the whole scenario. Kind of put the shock syndrome on the bullies because they're not expecting kindness. They're expecting the fist, they're expecting physical violence, but instead. I came up with the idea, let's try something else. Let's be proactive and do something nice for the bullies.

[00:04:59] Kem Frasier: So Chandler, what he does is after they steal his bike, he invites them to a baseball game on him. So they're looking around at each other life. Is this guy crazy or what? Here we are, we stole his bike and he is inviting us for a baseball game, and he's going to pay for it. So they're shocked. They don't know what to do or what to say because they're not getting what they expect, physical violence.

[00:05:27] Kem Frasier: So after thinking about it a little bit, they said, okay, we'll, we'll try it. So it was that baseball game that the bullies and Chandler went to that united them. They understood a new way of conversing with people or trying to, again, friendship or attention. They understood that things do not have to be a forced situation.

[00:05:52] Kem Frasier: You don't have to beat up someone to get what you want. People are willing to love you just because of being, just because you're, you're there just because you need friends. That's what Chandler teaches other students to give them what they're not expecting. But what they really need that is positive attention.

[00:06:14] Kem Frasier: So the bullies, they actually become very guilty and they feel sorry about taking his bike. So a couple days later they actually goes to Chandler and gives him his bike back, and then they promote the anti-bullying cause by telling other bullies. How to react or how to act when facing other children.

[00:06:39] Kem Frasier: Not to be afraid, not to be insecure, but just to value themselves because everyone has value. So I like that. 

[00:06:47] Rita Burke: Very, very interesting story about Chandler and how he was able to diffuse, so to speak, the bullying. I like that. So you counter that with love and it's positive attention. 

[00:07:05] Kem Frasier: Yes! Yes! 

[00:07:06] Rita Burke: Now tell me, Kem, tell us please. You used to be a teacher. 

[00:07:12] Kem Frasier: Yes. 

[00:07:12] Rita Burke: And you made a switch. Talk about that teaching experience for you, please. 

[00:07:18] Kem Frasier: The teaching experience that, that I, I did, um, enjoyed very much so. Taught me that kids are like sponges and every one of them want to learn. Even the ones that act out, they love learning. But at the same time, as a teacher, I had the responsibility to make learning interesting.

[00:07:43] Kem Frasier: Make it applicable to them personally, something they could use and enjoy. And throughout my teaching experience, no matter what grade I was teaching, I did the same thing with each one of them. I allowed them to see how they can apply what they're learning in the real life situation, not something that's, you know, fake and that's, that's not going to help them.

[00:08:08] Kem Frasier: I enjoyed that tremendously. Yes! 

[00:08:12] Ellington Brown: You grew up in the Bronx. 

[00:08:14] Kem Frasier: Yes. 

[00:08:16] Ellington Brown: And you wrote this book about bullying. 

[00:08:20] Kem Frasier: Yes. 

[00:08:21] Ellington Brown: How did your personal experiences with bullying shape your approach to writing about bullies handling bullies? 

[00:08:31] Kem Frasier: Well. I was approached by, uh, a couple of girls in the Bronx. Maybe I was about 11 years old, and, um, they were Spanish girls.

[00:08:41] Kem Frasier: I didn't understand the language, but I understood their facial features. They were out for business, meaning they wanted to fight, so I was not. Used to being bullied. And so I didn't know what to do. I didn't have that idea of maybe sharing something with them, giving them something. So what I did was I pretended like I was having an epileptic attack just to get them to wore them off of me, and it worked.

[00:09:09] Kem Frasier: They were afraid of me. They were running from me. So unfortunately, I have to use that tactic. But now Chandler has even a better approach.

[00:09:18] Rita Burke: Yeah, so that is an intriguing, interesting story about how you warded off the bullies and you said that you didn't know how to deal with it, and so you, you mimicked nap epileptic easier.

[00:09:37] Kem Frasier: Yes. 

[00:09:40] Rita Burke: I find that very sad. That you had to go through that, but you had, it was a survival strategy for you. 

[00:09:47] Kem Frasier: Yeah. 

[00:09:49] Rita Burke: Are parents responsible for teaching their children how to deal with or manage beliefs? You think that's something parents should do? 

[00:09:59] Rita Burke: Absolutely! Parents. Set the groundwork, the foundation on how to deal with difficult situations, bullies per se, and and how they handle their relationship with their spouse.

[00:10:13] Rita Burke: You know, how they solve problems. If parents are busy bullying one another in order to get their way or get attention, the children are going to think that's what I'm supposed to do. That's how I handle difficulties. It's called learn behavior. And it's a domino effect. Most times these parents have big, pictured the same thing in their household growing up.

[00:10:38] Rita Burke: So we need to put a stop to that domino effect and introduce a, a kinder, a more peaceful way of solving problems and getting along with one another so we don't have to resort to taking things from other people. Yeah.

[00:10:55] Ellington Brown: You were a teacher for over 18 years. 

[00:10:59] Kem Frasier: Yes. 

[00:11:00] Ellington Brown: So how did you address bullying in the classroom and what changes have you seen and how schools handle bullying today? 

[00:11:12] Ellington Brown: My technique with all classes that I taught, I have the parents come into my classroom before I even see their children, and I explain to parents that we both have the same goal to teach our kids or your their kids.

[00:11:31] Ellington Brown: The academics, but not only that, how to behave themselves, how to conduct themselves. So I brought up the idea of bullying. You know, we might have been taught, the parents might have been taught that you just defend yourself, you know, eye for eye, tooth for tooth. I introduced that idea that how would the children be able to learn if we spend more time teaching them how to beat up each other and how to defend themselves physically?

[00:12:01] Ellington Brown: No. We need to put that away from the classroom, and as a parent myself, I can identify with those parents that we need to teach them how to deal with confrontations at home. So right away, I, I put the groundwork there for the parents to know that bullying or acting out will never be tolerated. And when you do that with the parents before you see the children, then the kids cannot use.

[00:12:32] Ellington Brown: The parents pitch one against the other because that's what kids will do. I'll go and tell my mama that this, or I'll tell my mother, or, well, guess what? That dis dispels all of that. It takes that all away because the parents have seen me first and they know what, but the classroom is going to be about 

[00:12:52] Rita Burke: Interesting Cam, because as you know, you are a parent and you said. Parenting is a challenging role in itself. And to have to add that to the agenda cannot be easy. 

[00:13:07] Kem Frasier: No. 

[00:13:07] Rita Burke: I remember way back reading a book called The Meanest Thing to Say, and there was this boy in school that was always into name calling. 

[00:13:22] Kem Frasier: Mm-hmm. 

[00:13:22] Rita Burke: So he would go to school and call the other kids a name, and he was a bleak.

[00:13:27] Rita Burke: And this one kid went home and was practicing the kinds of things he should say in response. His parents saw him and his dad was really wise and said, you know what? You're gonna meet people like that throughout your life. So when he calls you a name, just say so. Just say so. Just say so. And lo and behold, they were able to take that power out of the bully's hand.

[00:13:55] Rita Burke: I just said, okay, you call me big ear, so you call me big ears. So, so the parent? Yes. Taught that particular child. Now you used to be a teacher educator. You're currently a counselor. 

[00:14:11] Kem Frasier: Mm-hmm. 

[00:14:11] Rita Burke: Talk to us about being a counselor, whatever you want to tell us about that. 

[00:14:17] Kem Frasier: Being a counselor, it is rewarding because children who may be of adult right at the time that I'm talking to them, can really lay out what their problem was from the very beginning and feel safe about talking about parents and the the environment they grew up in and why they do the things they do, why they react to different stimulus, what bothers them, and then also.

[00:14:46] Kem Frasier: I'm able to teach them to recognize or identify triggers, triggers that may make them respond in a way that's inappropriate. Once they identify the triggers, they can plan, they can plan for how they'll react to them. So I find that that's the way to be. It's better to be prepared than to be caught off guard, and that's what I'm able to help my clients with.

[00:15:12] Kem Frasier: To prepare themselves for controversy, confrontations, or anything that will disrupt their peace. 

[00:15:22] Ellington Brown: So what was your motivation for turning Chandler the handler into a short film? 

[00:15:30] Kem Frasier: Well, because, you know. As I stated before, or maybe I didn't state this, there's no change in the school systems. Kids are getting more and more violent.

[00:15:41] Kem Frasier: In my private practice, I had an 11-year-old child who was bragging about how she put together a video on how to hang yourself, and eventually that's what she did to herself, and that just tells me that there's no parental guidance in the home. For an 11-year-old who wants to do away with their life, that's pitiful, you see?

[00:16:07] Kem Frasier: And so I'm trying to reach out to young ones, teenagers, adults, that they have value, because I think that's the problem. When a person, a child, or anyone feels devalued, then sky's the limit in, in the way of negative behaviors. You see, and I'm trying to. Turn that around to give them hope and purpose, because everyone should have that.

[00:16:36] Kem Frasier: But in the school system, we need to put that up in front of everyone. It needs to be on film because that's what people are. Look, they're, they're on TV or they're on the internet. They're always looking at a screen. So instead of all of the violence that we see on screen, let's give them the opportunity to look at something different.

[00:16:57] Kem Frasier: Let's give them choices to make. You see, if they're inundated with nothing but one choice, that's the only choice they're going to absorb. So we wanna put something else out in front of them. We want all communities! We want all the channels to display this anti-bullying movie that is entertaining, but at the same time, a serious issue that can help. Undo what? We've already got started. 

[00:17:25] Ellington Brown: I just wanna back this conversation up just a little bit, and that's about violent. When you are in a home or you grow up with violence, let's say there is spouse abuse. The man beats up his wife. Mm-hmm.

[00:17:48] Ellington Brown: Let's say, and so you grow up with this. So all of this violence is forever around you. You don't know the fact that you're as a kid, that you're walking on, you know, thin ice 24/7. You don't know that, right? But what you, but what you do know, or what you maybe you don't know is the violence that is around you.

[00:18:11] Ellington Brown: So when you happen to go out to meet other individuals, interact with other kids, well you go ahead and use that violent behavior. Not because necessarily you want to, but that's the only thing that you know. So how do you find out through the parents what's going on at home and how far can a teacher go in order to dismantle violence at home?

[00:18:45] Kem Frasier: You know, I, that's a good question. I think if you could put yourself in a, family that comes from violence, you find common ground with the parents because parents would probably feel ashamed that they are actually teaching violence, you know, inadvertently. So they're ashamed of it, they're not willing to admit it, but if you kind of find that common ground and, and help them understand that there's nothing to be ashamed of.

[00:19:19] Kem Frasier: I know people that have come from families where mom and dad are beating one another are hateful and they were able to make the choice to change. It is a choice. Parents could change. Children can change because don't we want the best for our kids and that's what they will agree on. So let's make it our point. To make those choices for change.

[00:19:50] Rita Burke: Make choices for change. I like that. Mm-hmm. Earlier, Kem, you told us a story about how you responded or reacted to being bullied in school. And now you have come up with, you designed the program that will help bullies or help the people that are being bullied to manage this. It's radically different from how you dealt with your bullying.

[00:20:19] Rita Burke: So tell us about, tell us about your process please. Okay. Repeat that. Yeah. You told us about how you managed mm-hmm. Your being bullied in school. And you've now designed a program that will help people who are being bullied. Talk to us about that program please. 

[00:20:42] Kem Frasier: I think the way to get across to children, adults, everyone, is to wholesome practice sessions, whole practice sessions, and pretend you are the bully and the other person is being bullied and really feel the emotions behind.

[00:21:05] Kem Frasier: And the bully will feel the emotions behind being looked at as a person of value. Once you teach that and you practice that, it becomes part of you, just like the bullying attitude that children witnessed in their families became part of them. Well, we could make something different. We could make the anti-bullying approach or movement become a part of them.

[00:21:34] Kem Frasier: By the Youth of Practice sessions. I think that would work. 

[00:21:38] Ellington Brown: You emphasize mind over matter when dealing with bullies. So can you talk a little bit about that concept and how it has worked for, let's say, for you. 

[00:21:55] Kem Frasier: Mind over matter is something you have to prepare for. You have to think about. What the bullying is feeling, you have to already start focusing on what could make them act the way they do.

[00:22:11] Kem Frasier: Ask yourself what could push put them in that position to wanna take things from people, to wanna fight for some kind of recognition. It's loneliness, it's feeling that they have no purpose in this life and that everybody else matters except them. Now, if you could empathize with those feelings, then you can counteract those, then you can prepare for those and teach others to prepare for those as well.

[00:22:43] Kem Frasier: By being kind, the more kind you are to people, the more value they feel for themselves because they're an empty vessel basically, and you are filling them up with something positive hope and kindness. That's what works.

[00:23:01] Rita Burke: Do you believe, Kem, that people who are bullies know that their bullies? Are they aware enough to realize that they are bullies? 

[00:23:12] Kem Frasier: No. They don't even understand what the term mean. They don't know that they are insecure, devalued. They don't see themselves like that. They see themselves as tough Guys, I'm gonna take this and I'm gonna take that.

[00:23:29] Kem Frasier: But deep down inside, they feel bad about themselves. They don't feel any value. So that's in my mind, our responsibility to give them back what they've never had or what they've lost. And that is being human caring, being kind.

[00:23:50] Ellington Brown: Why do you believe that? Appealing to a bully sense of belonging can be an effective strategy? 

[00:23:58] Kem Frasier: Because they're human beings. That's our, that's in our nature to want to belong, to wanna be valued, to want to be loved and appreciated.

[00:24:10] Kem Frasier: That's in our nature. But then when we teach something contrary to what's in our nature. That becomes their norm, unfortunately. So we have to undo that, turn that around, you know, appeal to their natural sense of being a human, a value. Their emotional button needs to be ignited so that they can care about people, but more so care about themselves.

[00:24:41] Rita Burke: We're talking with Kem Fraser, who. Who is an author, uh, used to be a teacher and is currently a counselor. Kem, I want you to tell us if you could remember a time in your life when you had to say enough apart from the time when the girls were going to come to beat you up at school. 

[00:25:07] Kem Frasier: Well, I remember a time when I was in the dating. Um, age group and there was a boyfriend I had and he was nice, very nice. But then there was some subtle signs of control. So when I picked up on that, I. I immediately addressed it with that person. And when I noticed that he was not acknowledging that, I asked him, you know, why do you feel like you have to make someone do something?

[00:25:44] Kem Frasier: Why don't you just ask them to do something? Ask me to do something? And the first thing he said was, that's not the way my parents acted. Mm-hmm. So I asked him. What matters to you most the way your parents acted or the fact that we won't be going on with this relationship unless you choose to change?

[00:26:10] Kem Frasier: He chose to change, and I thought that that was a good thing because guess what? He could spread it all around to his siblings because they were under the same influence he was under, so I appreciated that. 

[00:26:25] Ellington Brown: You know, that seems to be the, the, the problem I think, uh, coming, coming from a family that was, um, let's say it was rocky and you, you go to school and it's a different world.

[00:26:45] Kem Frasier: Mm-hmm. 

[00:26:46] Ellington Brown: And so it's kind of like you have to respond and behave differently, but when it's all said and done, you have to go back to that environment. 

[00:26:55] Kem Frasier: That's right! 

[00:26:55] Ellington Brown: Back into that horrible environment where everything that you want or you need, you have to fight for it. 

[00:27:04] Kem Frasier: Yes! 

[00:27:04] Ellington Brown: What good is, is that, and then when the students get to class and, and they're acting so angry and you're wondering how come they're so angry?

[00:27:17] Ellington Brown: It's because of, probably because of what's going on at at home. So, you know, many parents struggle with helping their children deal with bullying. So what major nugget of advice would you give to them? To the parents? 

[00:27:37] Kem Frasier: To the parents. If they love their child, they will protect them by the use of. A different strategy other than physical violence because look at the consequences of physical violence.

[00:27:55] Kem Frasier: Who has ever gained any anything by reacting or overreacting using their fist? What's the reward to that? There are none. So my advice to parents is use a different strategy. One that's kind, but not just use it, demonstrate it in the home, because that's the best teaching tool you can have is how parents relate to one another.

[00:28:24] Rita Burke: You are so right. Kids want to see their parents treating each other with respect and dignity and lots of love. 

[00:28:32] Kem Frasier: Yes. 

[00:28:33] Rita Burke: And that's contagious. 

[00:28:35] Kem Frasier: Absolutely! 

[00:28:37] Rita Burke: Now we live in a world we grew up in a world where people are constantly offering counsel and advice. What would you say is the best piece of advice you have ever been given?

[00:28:53] Rita Burke: What would you say is the best piece of advice that was ever given to you? Kem Fraser. 

[00:29:00] Kem Frasier: I could remember. Advice given to me by my fifth grade teacher. Of course, I lived, like I said before, I lived in the Bronx, the ghetto, but at the same time, I had a choice. I could blend into the, into the environment and just do drugs and get pregnant early, what have you.

[00:29:18] Kem Frasier: Or I could put my mind where I wanted to be, and that was the advice my fifth grade teacher gave me. She said, where you live is not who you are. So I put my mind into my skill, which was art, and I applied my art to every place that I've been, meaning trying to get into different art schools. And I was able to get into art and design, and yet I went to school with people who were very high on site economic level, but I wasn't.

[00:29:59] Kem Frasier: But as my teacher said, you can put your mind anywhere you want. It's not about what you have, it's who you are. Yes.

[00:30:11] Ellington Brown: So what are your long term goals on anti-bullying? And do you have plans for more books or films on this topic? 

[00:30:23] Kem Frasier: Absolutely! My long-term plan is to continue with the anti-bullying movement because as much as we are in inundated with violence, we have to fight that, and it's going to take more than one film or one book.

[00:30:38] Kem Frasier: It's going to be a constant, constant bombard of giving the message. There is something better out there than just using your physical force to beat up someone. There's no good results to that. People can see what the world has come to because of it. So I need to inundate people with the good message, not the negative one that we see every day. 

[00:31:09] Rita Burke: But also we know Kam, that bullying isn't only always physical. People can bully other people using other dimensions or other areas. Talk a little bit about that, please. 

[00:31:26] Kem Frasier: That's so true because bullies are basically, um, the root cause of the Karen attitude. The Karen attitude is what you see in the workplace. I'm better than you are. It could be a look, it doesn't even have to be words.

[00:31:43] Kem Frasier: It could be intimidation. You know, it could be innuendos. All of that is a form of bullying. Mm-hmm. You see, so that, that in the workplace, we need to not accept that that should never be tolerated because when a person feels like they're being intimidated, it needs to be addressed. Not later on, but right away.

[00:32:14] Ellington Brown: So we talked about parents, uh, being part of spreading your anti-bullying message, which I think is very, very important. So how can educators, uh, be part of spreading the word for anti-bullying. I think some teachers don't even, don't even know where to begin when they, and they actually see the bullying happening, and they don't know which side of the fence they should be on.

[00:32:51] Ellington Brown: So how can educators and, um, other organizations for that matter get involved in spreading your anti-bullying method? 

[00:33:00] Kem Frasier: I think the Chandler's short story film should be aired in the classroom periodically, and there should be practice sessions right in the classroom. It's just as important as the academics.

[00:33:16] Kem Frasier: There needs to be a section where you are exploring the, that area of anti-bullying to keep the message going in the classroom, in the school system.

[00:33:28] Ellington Brown: You are saying that watching the short film is, is more or less the way to get people to understand the non-benefits that anti-bullying, uh, bring, which I think is a good, is a good thing.

[00:33:45] Ellington Brown: What happens if only, the children see it, but the parents don't see it. So is there a way that, let's say, um, parents can go someplace online to actually see the, the Chandler film? 

[00:34:01] Kem Frasier: Yeah! Well the Chandler story short film will be streamed Netflix. All the other channels, they will have that as well.

[00:34:09] Kem Frasier: We're, we're putting it on that platform as well. Social media, YouTube, everywhere. We're sounding out the warning, the good warning, the message, let's get back on track for safer schools and safer communities. So it will be everywhere and maybe it should be. A homework assignment for the kids to go home and share what they've learned from the film, make it a project.

[00:34:41] Rita Burke: That is an amazing suggestion. Do you think schools will buy into, into that movie about bullying and helping to educate parents? 

[00:34:58] Kem Frasier: Maybe not at first, it would take some convincing because I think the school system teachers, what have you, they're exhausted. They're tired of fighting a no win battle. And the reason why it's a no win battle because the parents are not involved.

[00:35:16] Kem Frasier: We have to have the home life involved for it to actually work and stick. Parents have to be the one that motivates their children by example. Of how to be kind and change all the negative feelings and all the bullying. They have to mimic that. They have to see it on a regular basis, not spot check here and there.

[00:35:42] Kem Frasier: We see violence on a regular basis. Well, we need to put that anti-bullying movement movement in place just as regularly as the violence is there.

[00:35:53] Ellington Brown: Understood. 

[00:35:54] Kem Frasier: Change takes place. 

[00:35:55] Ellington Brown: Yes. And, and it takes time for change to occur. I was just thinking about the, the film now. Uh. Will they need the actual book itself to drive home the message from what they learned in the film? Or are these two separate and apart from one another?

[00:36:21] Kem Frasier: I think, I think the book, the, they would need both to enforce the message. To enforce the message because they can always pick up the book and read it over and over and over again. If it's in their possession at the home. The movie may come on once a week or once a month, so this is reinforcement. The book is for the child to understand.

[00:36:44] Kem Frasier: Guess what? The nonviolent anti-bullying movement is a positive. Plus type strategy that they will gain, that will gain momentum, that they will gain a lot of self respect because they've adopted that attitude.

[00:37:07] Rita Burke: So when, when do you anticipate, when does, do you anticipate. The movie becoming available. 

[00:37:15] Kem Frasier: It, I would anticipate sometime in the summer because it's going to be filmed the last week of July in the Bronx at a school, so I would say sometime late summer of this year.

[00:37:27] Ellington Brown: Please let us know when the, uh, when that book is available. The film is available. Uh, this is something that I feel very strongly about because a lot of bullying, I know, I know it happens at all schools everywhere. But I guess looking at it from my experience, this workshop needs to be planted in black. Communities because there's a lot of, there is a lot of anger there that we don't see, uh, well, I should say the teachers don't see when they, we go to school and we get in the, in the classroom and then we decide to act up because, well, yeah, I, my dad already beat me to the ground. I'm certainly not gonna let you, discipline me when you know, you're not my mother or my father. I, I get that crap at home and so I'm not gonna do it. Yeah. So it's very important, I think that, uh, everyone is in, involved in this. If you happen to go to church or pastor, minister, everyone, yes. That should definitely be, uh, to be, part of that. What do you say about individuals who, uh, let's say to think that bullying is a good thing? Because there are people out that do think that, you know, bully's a hey, you know, bully's a good thing. It teaches you to be strong. It teaches you how to not allow anyone to stop you from getting whatever it is that you want.

[00:39:07] Ellington Brown: And they think, and they think it's right because it's American. I, you know, I don't know how else, who else to put it. How do you feel about that? 

[00:39:18] Kem Frasier: Well, you know, oh yeah. Uh, bullying when you're using physical strength may make you seem like you're strong. But what about your intellect? What about your ability to think about other options on how to get what you think you need?

[00:39:36] Kem Frasier: How about that, that's missing. There's no intellectual ability in bullying. It's just nothing but a physical thing with bad results. So the kids parents would, should be more concerned about their intellectual growth versus this physical growth because physical could mean nothing when you don't have the intellect or the emotion or the heart to do the right thing.

[00:40:05] Rita Burke: And that's what it's all about, isn't it, Kem? Doing, doing the right thing. 

[00:40:11] Kem Frasier: Yes. 

[00:40:12] Rita Burke: So, so, so tell us who or what is responsible for the person that Kem is today Please? Who or what is responsible for the person that you are today? Because I feel a lot of sensitivity and caring and those kind and giving back or what is responsible for you?

[00:40:33] Rita Burke: My mom. My mother was a strong lady. She was from South Carolina, but you know, she did not finish high school or middle school. Her mom made her stop, uh, going to school to wash clothes back in the thirties or maybe forties. But you know, when she moved to New York, she was an advocate. My advocate for education and positivity.

[00:41:00] Rita Burke: She encouraged me to move forward. You know, go to school and and win spelling beads. She was right there at every PTA meetings, winning scholarships and spelling beads and modeling contracts and what have you. My mom was right there with me. She was always the one that was my, my rock, my foundation.

[00:41:23] Rita Burke: That's why parents, they have the ability, they have the position to build strong individuals that feel good about themselves no matter where they live, no matter their economic status. It's who you are, not where you are or what you are. 

[00:41:43] Ellington Brown: Kem, I wanna thank you so much for spending time with us, uh, this afternoon to talk about the downside of bullying and what you are doing to combat it.

[00:42:01] Ellington Brown: By having the, uh, book Chandler the Handler, you can't bully me. I think this is a wonderful platform. I am hoping that many, many, many, many children have an opportunity to, uh, read the book and also to experience Chandler, a short film. Hopefully we can get them to, uh, get involved in that as well.

[00:42:29] Ellington Brown: Yes. We talked a little bit about your back, your background and how you became inspired. About, uh, these projects that you are now been in The Chandler story short film, just to name, uh, part B I guess, and then the anti-bullying strategies and insights. We talked about future goals, so we expect, now that you've said it out loud to to the universe, you know that book?

[00:42:56] Ellington Brown: It's, it's forthcoming. I, I just, I just know it is 

[00:42:59] Kem Frasier: now the book. The book is published. 

[00:43:02] Ellington Brown: Now I'm, I'm talking about your next book. 

[00:43:05] Kem Frasier: Oh, oh, I'm working on that as we speak. 

[00:43:08] Ellington Brown: Yes, I know, I, I, I remember you, saying something very briefly about that during our, our conversation. I think this conversation was actually needed because. There's a lot of bullying that goes on in black communities, and it, it has to, it has, that has to be carved out so that people can actually prosper and grow without the fear of retribution if they, yes. You wanna call it that.

[00:43:38] Ellington Brown: Rita, do you have something you wanna add to this? 

[00:43:42] Rita Burke: Well, it certainly has been a delight speaking with Kam Fraser. About her cause, about her movement, anti-bullying. I too am passionate about anti-bullying. As I said before we started to record, I think there should be zero tolerance. The workplace and in schools.

[00:44:03] Rita Burke: And I'm hoping that educators, I, I know that many of them do not like it and try their very best, but sometimes there's not much more that they can do. But there's no question, as you said, Kem, that an important role is in the hands of parents who should have these conversations with their children. Not only the children who are being bullied, but the children who are bullies.

[00:44:31] Kem Frasier: Yes. 

[00:44:32] Rita Burke: And so and so. We thank you for raising this issue and for making it so important. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for joining us on SpeakUP! International! 

[00:44:41] Kem Frasier: Thank you very much. It's nice to be here. Thank you!

[00:44:44] Ellington Brown: Thank you for tuning in to SpeakUP! International! If you wish to contact our guest, Ms. Kem Frazier, please be prepared to submit your name, your email address, and the reason why you wish to contact Ms. Kem Frazier at linkedin.com. 

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