A Tale of Empathy and Expertise Desiree King's Commitment to Senior Housing Solutions

[00:00:00] Ellington Brown: Welcome to SpeakUP! International with Rita Burke and Elton Brown! 

[00:00:14] Rita Burke: On SpeakUP! International, we seek to inform, to inspire, and to educate. We have been very fortunate in that we have We've interviewed, we've chatted with, we've had conversations with people globally. We've spoken with people from Brazil, from England, from Africa, from a variety of countries.

Today we're back home in Canada, and we are going to be speaking with Desiree King. Desiree is a visionary expert who possesses a unique blend of knowledge, compassion, and and foresight that sets her apart in the field of real estate. She's a Toastmaster as well and has a passion for working with older adults.

Desiree King is considered an aging in place expert and there's so much more that I could share about her but that will certainly come out as we talk with her through this conversation. I welcome Desiree King to SpeakUP! International! 

[00:01:28] Desiree King: All right. Thank you, Rita. Thank you, Elton. Pleasure to be here! 

[00:01:32] Ellington Brown: It's our pleasure to have you with us this morning.

You are a real estate agent per se can you tell us how all of this got started? 

[00:01:42] Desiree King: Okay. So I am a real estate agent. However, when I first did my first real escape course, I sat in the room and heard how many agents there were in that one board in Toronto, and it's approximately 000. And in that moment, I thought, you know, what am I doing?

Who gets into a career with that many other people doing the same thing? So I've always been a person who has had niche businesses. And from that, I looked back at my work, working with the senior demographic, the older adult demographic, and I decided that I would, they had a designation at that time called a senior real estate specialist.

So I decided I'm going to pursue that. And make it my, my, my niche within the industry, because as we all know, people are aging, there's the baby boomers. This is the largest generation where we'll see the transfer in that generation. It was something I was passionate about. So I've been, that was 10 years ago, and here we are today.

[00:02:38] Rita Burke: But Desiree, I like the idea that you have found your niche, so to speak. Now, general sizing and real estate services. That's an innovative combination, I would say. Talk a little bit more about that marriage, so to speak. 

[00:02:59] Desiree King: Right. So there's different phases in aging. It starts with downsizing. If we're blessed enough to have the opportunity to make that decision on our own.

Some people don't. They're forced more to go into a more You know, hospital like setting retirement residents long term care because of an injury or some health related issues. So there's different stages in it all, like in the whole continuum of aging straight through to a state settlement when someone passes away, how do you handle a property that someone has owned for 40 50 years.

So I would definitely say it's a culmination of really not just getting that one designation. I decided from an early point that I would be the expert in this and I believe that to be an expert in something, although real estate is my trade, I needed to know enough about the other things so that when I'm able to refer someone to the person who is the professional at that, I'm, I'm more knowledgeable, I'm, I'm seen as more trustworthy as the person that you can speak to.

And I'm also able to serve my clients at a higher level. So. It was definitely through first I started, you know, going working with a home care company. Those are ones that provide private care to homes. And in that I learned the whole way of working with PSWs what they come in the house and do what the pricing is like.

I've worked with, worked, went around to a lot of the retirement residences and interviewed these people one on one to understand their business better. I've earned a designation working with estate settlements. I talk with a lot with lawyers who do that. So it's just a conversation and really, like I said, a culmination of different things I encountered in the full continuum.

When we say aging, there's really Aging can differs by person. It can begin for someone who's as young as 40 or even 20. When you're looking at long term care, it's 18 and over, right? So people can have different places in their life where they require assistance, but it's more likely to happen when you have the older demographic.

And, and I, I enjoy working with them. I really do. I love the stories. I love the history. There's so much wealth and so much knowledge in speaking with families when I'm able to go through that with them. I can share a story. Yesterday I was helping a family unpack. And I'd help them pack and we moved to the new retirement residence and it's obviously smaller.

We're coming from a three bedroom house into a two bedroom, maybe 750 square foot condo type place. And the mom had a rocking chair and the son is just there and he's going, mom, you got to get rid of it. There's no room in the room. There's no room for it. There's no room for it. And she kept saying, no, I'm keeping my chair.

She's about 81 and I just looked at her and I said, what's the story with the chair? And she said to me, it was my gift from my retirement. Okay. I looked at the sun and I said, leave her alone. She's keeping the chair. Uh, we, it's understanding. It's not just, there's always a story behind it. And it's always interesting to hear the story.

So I can tell you so many more, but I've learned some of the best story, historical stuff, even from working with this demographic. 

[00:06:00] Ellington Brown: Thank you so much for that beautiful story this morning. Your hands, your fingers are All over the place. I noticed on your website, you talk about Tobago. 

[00:06:14] Desiree King: Yes. 

[00:06:14] Ellington Brown: How, how does that fit into, oh, and Trinidad as well. How does that fit into your services that you offer? 

[00:06:24] Desiree King: Okay, so I am born in Trinidad, Trinidad and Tobago, it's the twin island.

So I'm from there, number one. I went, I visited Trinidad last year. I'd gone to a wedding in St. Lucia. Followed by a trip to China with my husband and my daughter and we encountered a friend there who actually my husband had grown up with in Canada and he was, he was one of the people behind the financial aspect of financing and mortgages and whatnot for this particular development in Tobago.

Tobago is a hidden secret. It's not heavily commercial, not a lot of flights go there. They're getting more, but it's a hidden gem and the price point of the place, along with what it came with the services they provided and stuff, I decided to add it because number one, I had a better insight into who was behind the development of the project.

I've spoken with the developers of the project. So it's something that I felt I would share. Take care. In case anyone who was looking to downsize or even as myself, I'm planning on getting one because it would be a nice place to have as I age where I have the option of going in and out of the country and having a place where it can make money and serve as a place for me to get away.

It's right on the beach. It's beautiful. So I decided to have that there as well, just to, and I've, I've shared it with others in case anyone was looking for options. You know, there's lots of places like Costa Rica, Jamaica, I know has a lot, a lot of these places are offering, but Tobago is a little hidden gem that's untapped and probably also more affordable than looking at the other places that you can go to.

[00:07:57] Rita Burke: You certainly have lots of stories to tell, stories about yourself, and stories about people that you help and you support and you advocate for. Desiree tell us a little bit about any obstacles that you may have encountered in this business. 

[00:08:18] Desiree King: Right. My biggest obstacles, I would say, were working with different brokerages. So as a real estate agent, you cannot trade in real estate unless you're under a brokerage. There's a hierarchy. So working with various brokerages and with brokerages, you can also have what's called a team. So you have like a team lead and agents who work underneath them. And it was always. My vision to have something I didn't have the name then the name changed quite a bit, but that's okay of Kings downsizing and real estate services what it's become and them not understanding real estate is a very fast paced business.

It is an all commissioned business, but when you're dealing with someone who's not even sure, depending on when you get called in, i. e. someone's looking at downsizing, not sure when, it's a slower process and it requires the patience, the understanding, the hindsight to know what they need, what to offer during that spectrum until they reach the point where they reach that decision.

Also, I have a certification in aging in place. Why? Because yeah, people want to be in their home and the number one reason why people leave their homes, unfortunately, is when they have a slip and fall or some other incident in their home. So for me, if you say, okay, Desiree, I'm just, you know, speaking to you right now and maybe down the line, I have a lot of families that I speak to like that, I will then maybe think about downsizing.

I'm going to make sure that you're safe because one of the things that impact, how you downsize or where you go when you downsize is what is your current state? What are your needs? What are your, do you need help with activities of daily living? Are you more independent? Do you require help dressing, bathing?

Are you completely bedridden? There's so many different elements of how and when you do it. So let's make sure you you're at home where you want to be, but let's make sure you're there safely. And that's something so often I've seen with my own. My aunt, my husband's, um, aunt, she just two days ago, I'm in the gym and I got a call that she'd slipped and fallen.

And again, when we came in, she was on the floor, long story, but number one, she did have one of those emergency response pendants, which we had insisted that she get. She didn't have it on her in the washroom and, you know, sadly enough, she had to wiggle her way over to it, but, you know, just being there, I hadn't been there in a while and I sat and I looked at so many different rugs, for example, that I can see her just slipping on them and wiping out.

So there's so many things we take for granted. I think we as Caribbeans as well, we love rugs. There's a lot of rugs. So we got to, you know, move away from the rugs and get safer rugs, maybe? So things like that, you know, I'm qualified to do that as well. So it's just being able to. Which is why my company has formulated more into, I would say, a concierge type service for seniors, which is, anything that you need, call me.

There's a lot of services I offer, but really it's not me doing them. I'm just a person who I, I meet a lot of people. I have a huge network of people. I have conversations with them before I decide to work with them to make sure that they understand the demographic they're dealing with, to make sure that they're not going to, you know, Over exaggerate the price that they're more patient that they understand what they're working with.

And then I then then they're part of my resource team. So if you say I need a handyman, I have a great person. I'll send them to you and your prices will be. I wouldn't I can't guarantee on pricing everyone's business is different, but they're definitely not going to try and gouge you. And you have the option of looking other places, but if I can be the person who you come to as your central point as opposed to Googling, and you have this trust in me throughout the whatever you need, then it's I'm able to serve more people.

And at the bottom end of the road if there is a real estate in real estate service involved, then yeah I can assist you with that too, and beyond. So it's really being one stop shopping I guess for lack of a better word. 

[00:12:24] Ellington Brown: You are very passionate. In your work, your passion, you can just feel it coming across the internet. How did your mom influence your passion for working with the elderly? 

[00:12:42] Desiree King: So my mom had me at a very young age. Number one, um, she was going to school. She went to Ryerson when it was a polytechnic. So there we go. Throwback again. It's not even Ryerson anymore, but that's a throwback polytechnic than it was a university, but she went there and I would joke to everyone.

There's a water fountain outside of Ryerson with these big rocks. That was my babysitter growing up. Because she puts a get your skates on in the winter and skate around and that was it was okay I guess back then to leave your child like that nowadays it wouldn't be too good, but that was my babysitter, but she always either had me there or she'd have me listen to her speech she had to deliver for her assignments.

She'd have me go with her sometimes to see her clients. She was a dietician first and she became a nurse and she was a geriatric nurse I should I should I should include. So she'd have me there with her and I grew up seeing her passionate about it. Ironically, the other day when I was speaking to her and I was speaking something, we're having a conversation about clients and seniors and whatnot.

And she's now retired, but she was speaking about it. And then you just heard her say, Oh my gosh, I'm just so passionate about this. And at that moment, I really looked and saw what younger me. Must have grown up seeing and hearing my first one of my first volunteer jobs was as a Candy Striper, and they no longer have Candy Stripers, but that's when you go into the hospital and you volunteer you, you can take books around and usually I was on the geriatric floor mother, I think would help me get these jobs back then.

So I was on. So I got to give books to people have conversations. hear interesting things from a young age. Then I went on to being a dietary aid. And ironically enough, it was again in serving foods in the, in the long term care section. So a lot of the people I'd go upstairs and see were seniors. So just naturally, I think the seeds we plant in a young person, even though we don't think they're listening, they are.

And my mother and I didn't have the greatest relationship, but to see that I still share this passion with her. In my older age, it shows really that we really got to be cognitive of what we are doing in front of our kids. And I think don't worry about it. It's in there and it'll come out. So 

[00:15:02] Rita Burke: it's interesting that you say that your mom and you did not have the greatest of relationships, but the way you're describing it, it sounds to me as if it's certainly a wonderful symbiotic kind of relationship.

[00:15:16] Desiree King: Exactly. 

[00:15:16] Rita Burke: That's interesting. But also something else you said that triggered something for me that is great. Is the fact that she took you to school when she went to school. When I was working on my master's way, way, way, way, way, way, way back, I used to take my daughter to my classes and sit her at the back of the class or sit her, if the weather was good, have her play outside while I was attending classes.

So us black women know how to do things. 

[00:15:45] Desiree King: Exactly. 

[00:15:45] Rita Burke: We know how to survive and ultimately thrive. Yes. You talked a little bit about history and we all have history and we all have history. 

[00:15:55] Desiree King: Yeah. 

[00:15:56] Rita Burke: Tell our listeners how far back you, Desiree King, could go in terms of your history and did that person or those persons have an impact on your life?

[00:16:07] Desiree King: Right, so like family history you're talking about? Yes. Honestly, for me, it would be not, well, we do have a family book that we've compiled that we've, you know, I'm from Trinidad, but our family started off in Montserrat. Right. Which is a smaller island, the Caribbean, very volcanic. I know there's my maiden name is to it.

[00:16:29] Rita Burke: So there's actually a to it village there. I know that I don't I've I've read stories about in the book about the original person that I think it was all kind of to it. And there were 3 brothers and they separated and it became to it and they were upset at each other. So there was a to it. There was a Tate and there was some other name.

Everybody changed their name because they were so upset at each other that they changed letters. I know that part of the history. I know, you know, the city, we're from the country in Trinidad, so I do know the city where my grandfather grew up, but far back, knowing personally, I would say my grandparents on my mother's side, grandfather, grandmother, and they each, you know, I definitely think shaped or I admire them.

My grandmother, if you think going back to maybe the 60s, as a black woman from the Caribbean with not much education and the seamstress deciding to get on a plane and go to someplace called North America, because she heard it would be better for her children and that they can have a better opportunity.

And just doing it out of hindsight, uh, Trinidad and, I mean, Canada and the USA, I think that takes courage. I've never had to make a major move like that from one, I've lived in the US, but I don't consider that like a huge transition. But, you know, her having that hindsight to do that and the courage to do it, it makes me say, wow, like, that's, really some determination and, and willpower to do it out of her seven kids, six of them actually utilize the papers that she'd gotten them and came up here.

One never traveled, but that's still pretty good. And if you look back at that, it's impactful to me because it's definitely shaped who I am. If she hadn't done that, I would have, I'm guessing grown up in Trinidad. I 13 years old and went to school for a year. And some of those people I'm still in contact with now via Facebook.

So not really speaking to, but in connection like that, I've heard different stories and I think I definitely got a better opportunity by being here and having that option. And just the whole trajectory of my life, like think about life is so delicate that if you change one little element of that story, everything else changes.

I think that the trajectory is just so amazing and I'm very, I think about that all the time. Like I go back, what if this changed? What if that changed? So that one action is a downward spiral of the impact of my entire life. My grandfather, because I watched him in his older age, my grandmother had a stroke.

And she lived for about 10 years after, but she wasn't really able to speak or anything, more bedridden, but he, I remember when he died, before he passed away, I went and I spoke with him, I was 18, and I cooked for him, he liked his Chivas Regal, so I brought him a bottle, he smoked cigarettes, you know what, he's, he wants to do what he wants to do, so I bought him a carton of Newports, and, I cooked for him and we sat down and I didn't smoke, but I smoked a cigarette with him and I had a little drink with him and he was just so proud that he was able to do that with me.

It was very, and he said to me, you know, no matter what, with your grandmother, it was till death do us part. And that's what he truly did. He took care of her until she passed. He lived about five, six years later, and it was a pleasure for me to be able to do that with him. Closure for me because so much so that when he did pass, I didn't have the need to go to his funeral.

Because I thought we had had this moment in this exchange. So, yeah, it was definitely those two where I'd go back to. 

[00:20:14] Ellington Brown: It's great that you were able to have that conversation with your grandparents, because a lot of us don't have that opportunity to get that history, family history, that Rita was talking about earlier.

So it's really good that you had that opportunity to talk to Now I'm, I'm, I'm assuming that you're able to put more information in that book or that collection of stories so that you can pass it on to the next generation of your family. 

[00:20:53] Desiree King: Yes, definitely! 

[00:20:54] Ellington Brown: Tell our audience what is Gentle Persuasive Approach certification, what does that entail, and how does that help you do what you do.

[00:21:06] Desiree King: Right. So Gentle Persuasion Approach is one of the Certifications or tech and or techniques that is used in a setting of a communal setting, like a long term care facility or in retirement residence, or even in the home with people who are experiencing forms of dementia. So, it helps you understand that behind this disease, there is still that person.

It teaches you how to identify. What is happening with them. It teaches you how to communicate with them when they're resisting or when they're spiraling or whatever else may happening. It teaches you what to look out for, how to have safety precautions for things like wandering. I get so You know, on the news when I see people, uh, missing, usually 70s, 80s, that age group, even 60s sometimes, because they went for a walk and they're missing.

And you hear the age group and then I wait for it and you hear this person has dementia. And I'm like, wow, you know, one of the first things I tell families when they do have someone who's living on their own, especially with someone with dementia, even living with you, who is still functional, but they have the tendency to go for walks and wander is to get a lifeline type pendant with a GPS in it.

So at least you can hopefully locate them because it's very real. So general persuasion approach it integrates with my career as you've seen just what I said about speaking with. adult children or even the family members about the benefit of having it. Even I've spoken to couples where say the husband is, he's fine, he's older, he may have some health challenges, but he's functional.

And the wife has dementia, you know, for him, people are resistant, people are resistant to getting them. It's being, it's like being tagged, you're wearing this bracelet or this chain, but it can truly save your life. So when there's resistance, I'll use it on the flip side for the person who's healthier and doesn't feel like they need it and say to them, well, you know, your spouse isn't in a position to help you.

What if you fall down or have a situation happen? And your spouse not able to help you or they're panicking. Would you want to put them in that situation? It'd be beneficial if you have this on. So at least it'll trigger something and help you and help your spouse's mental state. So it's knowing when someone has dementia, when they're doing something called sundowning, usually around, ironically enough, you know, 4 or 5 p. m. you may notice some aggression. 

It's recognizing what they're going through. It's understanding the triggers and when they're resisting not to fight back. Sometimes you have to sit there and it's just patience, learning how to speak with them, learning how to identify when someone has a form of dementia.

So again, as I said before, I took that course and I maintain that certification because I feel, especially in today's society, There's a lot of predominance in dementias of all sorts. And, you know, in our community, I was speaking with someone yesterday, actually, who wanted to write an article on dementia in the Black community and how it's impacting our community as well.

So it just enables me, really, I'm not a nurse, I'm not a medical practitioner, but to be able to understand it. And assist people when they are transitioning or I have to make an introduction to a home care company or to a retirement residence to be able to help identify the questions I know they need to know in order to place them and take them to the next step and what they need to do for their care.

[00:24:27] Rita Burke: I appreciate that you said that you're not a nurse. There's an older man in our community who he and his wife and I went to an event one evening at JCA and he drove and we got there okay. And when we came out at nighttime, he couldn't find his way back. I had to direct him how to get us back. 

[00:24:51] Desiree King: Right. 

[00:24:52] Rita Burke: And I suggested to the wife, you're not a nurse, but I'm a registered nurse.

That's what I practiced most of my life. And I was able to say to his wife, it's time for you to go. To the doctor and say there is an issue happening here. So everything you talked about I could, I could resonate with. When you talk about Candy Stripers way back. Way back. I thought that was funny. Do you know, Desiree, there was no such thing as a black Candy Striper around? So you were very blessed and fortunate to be able to get into that. 

[00:25:27] Desiree King: I did not. See, I just learned something. I did not know that. Wow. Wow. 

[00:25:33] Rita Burke: And I did most of my practice in Toronto and in Peterborough. In Toronto they were down and in Peterborough you don't expect any. Yes. So now, we talked about going back in your personal history. Let's talk about Black Canadian history. Is there a person that you would say you admire? Who's that person? Why do you admire? 

[00:25:58] Desiree King: Yeah, you know, I thought about that. And I'm honestly, not to be cliche, but I would say someone like Viola Desmond. And, you know, The reason I say that is when I'm going to, I don't, I admire people who are more current, obviously, but when you look on the shoulders we stand on, and what enables us to even be in this position right now to have the speech as Black people, to have a forum like this, to do the things we're doing, to make the strides we're making, we have to look at the disruptors.

And I relate because I consider myself a disruptor in my own right in what I'm doing right now and wanting to change the scope of what my industry looks like. I'm not criticizing it. There's a lot of good agents. There's a lot of bad agents, but really creating something that is for a demographic that is underserved and underrepresented, especially with people that look like me.

I look at her just making that initial move of saying, no, I'm not going to get up and leave the seat. And it's the same, you know, that that was resilience and to be able to stand up and want to do something and break out of the normal confines of what something is supposed to be or look like if you don't like what you're seeing, then create that place to see what you want and make it happen.

And that's what enables it to develop from there to the place where we are now, where we can go into a seat. As black people, we're not screened online about what we are and choose a seat. And that's where we're sitting and come in so much more. And if someone is in our seat, we can say, get up. So it's, it's very real to be in this position.

I mean, if her, if she was looking down right now at where we've come, I'm sure as I mean, where there's still a lot of struggles, I'm not saying there's still aren't, but just in that one instance to see where we've come, she would be, you know, joyful. So definitely, that's why. 

[00:28:04] Ellington Brown: I agree with you. She was a very determined eloquent, fine dressing lady, at least from all the pictures that I've ever seen of, of her.

So yes, I, I definitely think that you being in this business for over 10 years, you definitely had the determination and you have selected your niche that you're able to use to help individuals. In their twilight years to be able to live with with dignity. 

[00:28:43] Desiree King: Yes. 

[00:28:43] Ellington Brown: You have several certifications I want you to talk a little bit about the Certified Executor Advisor. Can you tell me how that benefits your clients? 

[00:28:55] Desiree King: Yes. So I prior to getting that designation. I've worked with families who. Were the beneficiaries or the executors of the state and helping them on the home side of it. I learned about this particular designation, which is something endorsed by government of Canada as well.

There's a credit for doing it and getting that designation. And I researched more into it and what I learned was that there are 17 possible careers or professions that one will encounter in the process of selling an estate, one of which is a real estate agent. So I obtained this designation. I know a little bit about each of the 17 different professions.

I can't name them all by heart. I probably could actually, but each of them that I'm able to then identify the needs of someone who probably doesn't have a lawyer is yet and identify that and refer them to one that I've personally vetted. So, again, it was all part and it was really, I would call it the, the final culmination of different experiences or designations I have throughout the whole continuum of aging is that after the person passes, there are still wishes that need to be met.

There are still things that need to be handled. A lot of people think that lawyers, I have a lawyer, he's going to do everything. No, they don't, you know, I can share a story with someone right now who I'm working with, who is out of town, settling an estate for a loved one, working with a lawyer here, who is by far not living up to professional standards, for lack of a better word, right?

And being able to do things for them that this is supposed to be done here, but I'm able to go and get documents for them, do certain things, guide them along the way. Um, I didn't refer this particular lawyer. That's a disclaimer as well. That was someone they came with. So, and that, you know, they're going through it, but I'm still able to maintain their inner peace, help them maintain it because they're already going through a challenging point.

You know, this has been going on for about two years. They're like, Desiree, I haven't even gotten the chance to grieve my loss yet. And, you know, honestly, working with you, I'm not touting my own horn, but I've been able to. Insert myself and say, what do you need? What do you need? What do you need down to selling the automobile down to the finest thing?

Like there were gifts she wanted to give us. We're ending the closing of this and referring a gift basket company. I have that in my resources and saying, here, you can use this, just being, get in where you fit in and being able to be that resource to people, whatever stage of the grieving process they're in and helping them in being a resource.

So that is a designation that I have. And I think it really. I, I don't, I I've been playing around with how to, uh, when I say when people meet me and I, people are, people introduce me and say, this is Desiree. She's a real estate agent. I don't think it really speaks to the volume of the work that I do. I I'm so much more and I'm okay with saying that I'm not downing that career.

By all means, I am a real estate agent, but I come with so much more. So now I've reformatted it to be. I am a Certified Executor Advisor. What that is is there are 17 professions that help people along the estate settlement journey, one of which is a real estate agent and I also carry that profession as well.

So it kind of encompasses and opens up the door to a bigger conversation. So, it's a great designation. It's helped me to learn a lot more about the process about going through probate, which is very. Thank you Intricate. I, I often joke that because I work in this demographic, it makes you so aware of your own mortality and really the blessing of every moment in life.

Something, something we would take so simply as the beginning of our conversation to this point, how many ever minutes later was not guaranteed. So that's a blessing. You know, it really, the work I do really makes you understand the joy of each day, each breath, each second of leaving your home and coming back because you see so many things, you hear so many stories.

You know, you see people who once communicated very well and were interactive become a shell of the person, and they don't even recognize who's coming into the room or recognize their own children. And I think about my own child and ever having to be in that place that just, it really makes you aware.

And conscious of the things you do. It's one of the reasons why every time I speak to my daughter and we've grown up this way, if you're around us, you get sick of hearing. I love you. I love you. I love, you know, I love you more. No, I love you. It looks like that's just us on the phone in person, but I always make sure that even if she's upsetting me, it's always sealed with, I love you because I always say to her, I wouldn't want like the next step is not guaranteed.

I wouldn't want her last words to be anything but that. So our last conversation will always be, I love you, you know, because we don't know tomorrow's not guaranteed. 

[00:34:07] Rita Burke: I liked it, Desiree, that you referred to Violent Desmond as a disruptor. 

[00:34:15] Desiree King: Yeah. 

[00:34:15] Rita Burke: There's so many people whose shoulders we are standing on, whose footsteps we are treading in. 

[00:34:24] Desiree King: Yes. 

[00:34:24] Rita Burke: There's no question they needed to disrupt some kind of system. They had to say enough. 

[00:34:31] Desiree King: Yes. 

[00:34:32] Rita Burke: Is there a time when you, Desiree King, have to state, you know, talk to us about that?

[00:34:37] Desiree King: Yeah, that's such a powerful, like, this is good. I've done interviews before, but these questions are so deep. Uh, you're like me. I love doing this with people as well, really getting behind it. Honestly, my answer to that question would be with myself. I naturally am a very, very giving person and I like to, I like to help people if I see that I can, but I've had to learn the very tough lesson because of a experience within the last five years of, you know, um, not everybody's cross is yours to carry as well, symbolize some symbiotically, because, you know, there's a saying God don't give you more than you can handle.

And that is so true. But when we go and insert ourselves into other people's situation, then we're carrying their cross, which is really not ours to handle. That's the way I see it. So I've had to learn to really develop, this is through therapy, I mean, as Black people we don't often talk about therapy, I know it's being talked about more, but a therapist is something in my cool toolkit just as my doctor, because it's, you gotta take care of your brain and it's, it's communication, it's brain health.

My daughter as well, she knows that we, you know, I can never look at my mom and say, let's go see a therapist. She'd probably be like, what are you talking about? But we actually, if we have to mediate something, we use that. But yeah, it's through therapy. I learned about forming, you know, pillars and boundaries and looking if things don't fit into this, then saying no.

We as women really, I think, try to be everything. We wear so many hats and there are points where we say, no, we have to say no. Uh, for me, that, you know, that happened and then, honestly, after my, my daughter graduated, again, as a parent, different things, your calendar becomes clear, different things, you know, they no longer have to take them to school or take them to events or just be their Uber.

And my calendar became clear. And at that point, I decided I'm going to create a life by design, not by default. And by that I mean do the things that I choose to do not because I have to do because I really want to do them and be very strategic and rebuild my time that way. So I'm very. I have no problem saying no, someone has a proposal or something that they want me to do I'll listen, but if it doesn't align with what I am doing or what I'm choosing to do then I have no problem saying no because I don't have to say yes to everything.

And I'm happy to reach that point because sometimes people don't get to say that until they have a stroke or something major happens. I've heard so many stories, interviewed people. And again, working with this demographic, you learn a lot about self care if you're paying attention. The secrets to really, and there's no guarantee, but it's part of my, of my self care and it's okay to be selfish.

You know, not in a bad way, but selfish is can be good. Selfish is not always about, 

[00:37:40] Ellington Brown: You are a Toastmaster, as we are, how has Toastmasters helped you in communicating with the people you support. 

[00:37:53] Desiree King: Totally. Definitely. It has. I don't think I, so I realized that there are different people, different reasons people come into Toastmasters within the main reasons why Toastmasters is there.

I was never really the type I think who would pass out, like come in with that much anxiety of speaking to a crowd, but I wanted to get better. I was told about Toastmasters probably about 10 years before I actually joined by a gentleman on the GO train, of all places, in Burlington, a black gentleman, and he was like, oh, you should go check out this thing called Toastmasters.

I'd heard of Toastmasters before. But he, he kept telling me about Ebony Toastmasters. You need, and it was all the way downtown somewhere. So that was too far. And 10 years later, I moved back into the city around Bay and Bloor and had just gotten out of a bad, not a bad relationship, but just out of a relationship.

I had my daughter, but as a real estate agent, it's a very lonely profession because most times you're working from at home unless you choose to go into the office space, but you're working from at home. And I decided I was going to do something for myself. So, with my daughter in tow, I went and I visited that Ebony Toastmasters, and I went with the intention of joining, so when they asked me what I thought, I was like, I'm ready to join, and I just jumped right in.

And, it's been a journey that has, I've gained a lot of, met a lot of people, valuable friends. It's definitely helped me with my confidence level. With my, one of the projects I had to do on my way to earning the DTM was, I think it was called the high performance learning or leadership where you do that project.

And if you really follow what's in the manual of developing the team around you and having these meetings and whatnot, I used it towards developing the protocol, a lot of the parts that are now part of King's Downsizing and Estate Services. I would do speeches. Dealing with speaking about this and I remember, you know, it's funny.

You have to be able to embrace a negative negativity. I did one speech. It was one of my first ones and was talking about the different retirement living option. This is very early on. And there was this one gentleman in our club. Never really came, but when he did, he had a lot to say, didn't understand the proper protocol for giving a proper evaluation.

And he completely slaughtered me doing this evaluation. I mean, complete annihilation with his evaluation. Totally against protocol. Don't want to scare people off. But. I took it. It didn't scare me off so much so that the next time he was there, which again, he wasn't there frequently. He looked at me and said, wow, you've actually really got your so I use it to fuel my fire.

And I speak a lot. I have a lot of conversations. I do a lot of consultations, and I speak to a lot of people on individual one to one, as well as large crowds. As well as business owners and executives. So it's helped me be able to communicate. You know, across those platforms, definitely to develop presentations that are effective.

I see so many bad presentations sometimes and I'm just sitting there going, Oh, my gosh, you know, it's painful. We know that it really is. I can say that. So it's helped me in that way. But one of the greatest ways. It's impacted me as well. Outside of my business is that my little daughter who I had in tow, coming to my Toastmaster meetings, she eventually did the youth leadership program a couple times, has excelled so much because of her communication skills.

Communication skills, I'm sure you agree, is one of the things our children are majorly lacking. They're texting each other when they're right there on the couch, crossing each other. They don't speak. My daughter has fallen into that as well, but she knows how to speak, so she has both. She, you know, she's been the valedictorian of her junior class.

She's been the salutatorian of her high school class. She's recently, I will share this as well, just gotten her acceptance into med school, and that's through a special program she's gotten into. That's having to go through interviews upon interviews on panels and whatnot. So it's also by default, again, I'm coming back now to where I started in the beginning talking about my mother having an impact on me by default.

It's helped her when that wasn't, it was my intention once I learned about the Youth Leadership Program, but we've had parents when she's finished delivering a speech, come over to her and say, this was in her elementary school graduation. What are you doing? We know you're doing something because the way you're speaking, we've had parents actually like physically say that.

And we just smile. And her, also for her, like, we have a lot of friends that are Toastmasters, a lot of good friends, so she's grown up around, I think most of them are DTMs, she's grown up around DTMs. When you grow up in that kind of circle where there's always a speech or the language that's being used, that's how you speak.

So, you know, she has a, you know, it's funny about it, she has a roommate right now, who she's not really getting along with, and the girl feels that my daughter speaks to, I can't remember the word she used, but she, She speaks too professional. I can't remember the word that she uses to her. And I said to her, well, you know what, that is a her problem because if you speak eloquently and you're able to communicate because the roommate can't communicate, she uses emojis to respond, then don't worry about that.

You keep on communicating. That's why you will be seated at the table where you are. And she won't, you know, so it's so important and it's Toastmasters has been very much impactful on my life. I met my husband there. It's, it's, it's been great! 

[00:43:39] Rita Burke: It's interesting that you say that, because not only does it help you to hone your communication skills, but it gives you the confidence, it gives you that edge that you need to be able to navigate your way in the world. And sometimes the world is challenging, but you are, you become unstoppable. And I hate to see that.

Yeah, it's true. I'm sure to that. Now, Ms. Desiree King, lots of people's lives are guided by quotations. Share with our listeners one particular quotation that you are grounded in, that frames what you do and who you are. 

[00:44:21] Desiree King: Yes. Well, my quote, mines is from the bible Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." That is my quote.

That is my, I live by that. It's what makes me okay with the no's in my life. It's what makes me continue to persevere. There's so much power if you really break down that quote. Behind it that if we really know as, as believers, I'm not judging anybody else, but as a believer, if you really know what is within us and who we were created by and whose image we were created by, then we really can do all things.

And doing all things does not mean we have to do a bunch of action. It's just giving praise and sometimes just saying God I can't do this no more take this from me or guide me in my next step, and it happens. It happens, but you have to believe in the quote and not just parrot it, so. 

[00:45:17] Rita Burke: Some say having a sermon, but that's okay too. That's a, that's a sidebar, but that's okay 

[00:45:24] Desiree King: Yes.

[00:45:24] Ellington Brown: Desiree, it has been a pleasure talking to you this morning. You have been so authentic with your responses, and I am so sure that our audience is going to be able to connect with you with your stories so easily, and I'm so happy that we were able to connect. It has been so long, so it's been great to see you!

This has been a reunion for, Rita and, my, myself. You are such a dedicated individual in terms of what you do. You have the certifications, you understand, the elderly, not just from what you learn from books, but your mom and other individuals that are important in your life.

You were able to take all of that information and mold it so that you're able to help the elderly in our community, which is something I don't think a lot of people do. I definitely tried finding someone else that's into what you're doing, not even close. So you have definitely found your niche.

We hope to have you back on SpeakUP! International soon! 

[00:46:48] Desiree King: Yeah, I would love to my next step. I am working on my brokerage license, my broker license. So what that means is once you're designated a real estate broker, you're eligible to open your own brokerage. So that has been a vision I've had from the very beginning.

And as I get closer. Yeah, I'm nervous, but that's okay. That's normal. But hopefully the next time we speak, I will be able to say this brokerage is now in existence. And it's the next it's the next level up for me. 

[00:47:17] Rita Burke: Let me recode you. You can do all things to me. 

[00:47:20] Desiree King: Yes.

[00:47:22] Rita Burke: Thank you!

[00:47:24] Ellington Brown: Thank you for listening to SpeakUP! International! If you wish to contact Ms. Deseret king, please be prepared to submit your name, your email address, and the reason why you wish to contact Ms. King. to https://kingsdownsizing.com/. 

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